Listen

Blog Preface: There’s a point to this. I swear.

A long time ago…in what feels like another life…my world fell apart. I was 10 years old…and I had just found out…in a wave of blue lights…that I had been kidnapped. My name wasn’t my name. My daddy wasn’t my dad. Nothing was real other than my brother. Everything fell apart…but the strangest thing happened…all of these grownups around me…they all kept telling me that I must be “so happy that the ordeal is over”. I mean…thanks? But I didn’t know I even HAD an ordeal until that moment. But yay for it being over? Let’s just ignore the trauma and identity crisis. Let’s forget the fear and confusion.

That was the first time I understood that I had to be strong for other people. It would hurt them too much if I wasn’t ok.

As an adult, I have fought against that mindset in regards to missing kids. I’ve battled the fact that missing children’s services are geared to finding the child…but leave just as the child is more lost than ever. The services are for the grieving parents, not the strong “lucky” children.

You’re too strong to let this break you.

No.

Just no.

That is the worst message we can give anyone.

When an individual who is hurting hears, “You’re too strong to let this break you”…what their shattered heart hears is, “Please don’t talk to me about your pain. I need to know you’re ok.”

What they hear is that no one is listening and they need to leave the tears and fears inside, and show a strong face to the world.

Here’s the thing.

I don’t know a single TRULY strong person who isn’t also vulnerable and real. I know people who put on a solid brave face…who hide their pain…but it’s still there.

The truly strong are the ones who can admit the pain…feel the suck…acknowledge the hurt…and get it out so that they can heal.

You can walk on a broken leg…it’s possible…but it will set wrong…and it will hurt for years to come. That leg only heals when you admit it’s broken and allow someone to help you heal.

So…that’s where I am right now.

You guys…this heart shit SUCKS. I feel lost…I feel invisible…and I feel like many just want me to “be ok”.

You’re too strong to let this break you.

No. I’m not. I’m too strong to NOT let this break me.

I will break. I will crumble. And, like I always do, I will rise from that in the end and make the world my bitch again.

So…when someone cries…don’t push their pain aside with well meant “You’re too strong for this!” messages.

Instead…

Stop…and listen.

Listen until they find their strength.