If you know me, you probably know about spoons.
If you don’t know me…or don’t know about the Spoon Theory… seriously, it is the BEST THING EVER for explaining what it’s like to live with a chronic illness. So… here you go…and you’re welcome… https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
But, for those who don’t want to read, basically the Spoon Theory states that energy is like spoons. For every activity you perform in your life a spoon is needed. Healthy people have as many spoons as they want. They can flit from project to project, activity to activity, responsibility to responsibility….they may get a little tired, but they’ll be ok after a good night’s sleep. People with chronic illnesses do not have the same unlimited supply of spoons. Some days we have tons…but the next day we may have none. We can’t borrow from tomorrow’s spoons without serious repercussions. We can use all of our spoons in one day, but the next day we may be sick and won’t have a collection of spoons stocked up to help us get by.
So…we learn to conserve spoons. (A lot of people think the Spoon Theory is negative, but to me this is why it’s a positive…) We learn to save spoons for important things like spending time with people we love. So, we may not be able to clean our house every day…we may not be able to say yes to every social invitation…some days we may not even have the spoons available to hold a conversation with you…but, when possible, we make sure we have a spoon saved up for those special moments with the people who matter to us.
I…am currently out of spoons. Like…I thought I’d seen no spoons before from my bad Lyme flare days. But then I got a second chronic illness…and apparently I didn’t know what NEGATIVE spoons felt like. lol But, lately I’ve been running super low on spoons…the past few days I dream about going to sleep from the moment I wake up because I feel like I don’t have enough spoons to make it through my day. Today…for the first time…I’m having a full Lyme flare at the same time as a bad heart day. And I could be feeling bad for myself, but instead…
*whips hand out from behind back* Look at this trusty spoon I was saving. Because life can’t be all parenting and work and school and exercise and and and…we need our people and sometimes our people need us.
So…I took that spoon I’ve been hoarding…and I asked one of my best friends to have a movie and dinner night with me. At home. Just relaxing. But together. Because one spoon isn’t taking us dancing…but it’s enough that I can remind someone that is important to me that I’m still there and enjoy some time just chilling with her.
Tomorrow could be another bad day. And I’ll have used my spare spoon…but, I choose to look at it as I used it in a way that increased my mental/emotional health…which, in the long run, may give me more spoons later.
So, in short…please send spoons. I need them. But, if you ever need me, I’ve probably saved a spoon for just such a moment.