.

I tried to leave my house today. I wound up hyperventilating and in tears.

The more I have to write about my past for therapy…the more it dredges up the memories of all the times that people left…the more I remember that no one wants me around for the long haul and even those who are supposed to love you couldn’t love me…the more I think it’s better if I just hide away. Everyone will be better off.

I just have to say, it is a very strange feeling to wish you didn’t have to live this life anymore and, simultaneously, be afraid to die.