I have always prided myself on having unshakeable faith. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that God has a plan for all of us and that, if we only believe, it’s a beautiful plan. I believe that every tribulation is meant to put you where you’re supposed to be…sometimes for your path…sometimes to help someone else on theirs.
I never stopped believing that.
But I have found out that my faith is shakeable. I can have unshakeable belief that everything is with purpose…but simultaneously wonder if I’m being punished for something. I can KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, that my God is there and He is listening…but simultaneously wonder if He’s laughing at the joke He put here for His amusement.
The faith that He loves ME is apparently a little bit shakeable.
The faith that the path He has in store for ME isn’t only one of helping others, while I falter, is apparently open to doubt.
This is what I’ve learned. As I’ve dealt with one cosmic kick after another…as I’ve fought to stay strong in both self and faith…I’ve faltered. I haven’t lost faith…but I lost hope.
I lost hope that I can make it through or that, if I did, anyone would still be by my side.
But the reason I lost hope…the reason my faith shook…was because I stopped seeking Him for the answers. I became so wrapped up in putting one foot in front of the other in order to keep moving, that I forgot to allow Him to carry me. I became so intent on staying strong, that I forgot (again!) to lean on Him. I became so afraid of the future, I forgot to let Him comfort me and remind me that He already has it all worked out.
So, I SHOULD be ashamed of this. A center stone of who I am…my faith…was shaken.
But I’m not.
Because in that shaken faith, I found something that I didn’t know…at least not consciously.
Not everything that shakes…breaks.
You see…my faith shook…but as soon as I was ready to stop being a cosmic brat…it was still there. Unbroken, uncracked, and maybe even a little bit prettier than before the shake.
My faith is not a concrete block that cannot be shaken by the hand of fate.
My faith is a snow globe. One of those plastic ones that you give to little kids because it’s unbreakable. The hand of fate can pick it up…it can shake it all around…and then…all we will see is more beauty as the snow falls and blankets the scenery like His love blankets me.
So maybe it’s ok for my faith to be shakeable…so long as I never allow it to be breakable.