I’ve always loved people watching. I could sit and watch people for hours…watching children play…watching moms chasing after their children…watching friends…lovers…and everyone in between. As someone who’s never really felt like I fully fit, I LOVED watching the way other people fit together.
And, let me tell you, if you’ve never people watched in a train station? THAT is the best people watching you’ll ever do. In one place, you see every part of life. You see the anxious person running late for an appointment. You see the lovers reunited after a weekend apart. You see friends excitedly waiting to depart on an adventure together. You see sad goodbyes and joyful hellos. It’s all there. The good, the bad…the beautiful and the sad.
And I love it. lol
Lately, I feel like my life is that train station. I’m at this point…I don’t know exactly where I’m going…I don’t know which train to get on…I don’t know who wants to be on the trip with me…and I don’t know who I’ll be watching board a train that I can’t get on. So…I just…watch.
I watch new friendships blooming.
I watch old relationships dwindling away.
I watch reunions and departures.
I watch tears of joy…tears of laughter…tears of loss…and tears of fear.
I watch trains departing for lands unknown and I watch the passengers react with an air of adventure…or an air of trepidation…sometimes somewhere in the middle.
But I don’t get on the train with them.
And…for once…I’m not anxious about this feeling of not belonging. I have a few people I belong with. The ones that are departing the station without me…maybe they’ll come back through the station one day…maybe they won’t. If they don’t, I hope their adventures were everything they ever dreamed of. If they do, I’ll be holding the sign for the car service for them to come back home.
Because it’s ok. It’s ok to go through these periods where you don’t know your place…where you may even HAVE to simply observe for awhile as you figure out where YOUR next destination is. It doesn’t mean you don’t belong…it doesn’t even mean that you don’t belong with those people…it simply means that you don’t belong on that particular train going on that specific adventure.
So, I sit here in my train station…and I watch my people. I smile for their laughter…I shed a tear for their sadness…I offer up prayers for their fears…and I offer up hope for their adventures. And as the trains depart…I allow myself the grace to forgive my body for not allowing adventures right now…and I wait for the next train that I’ll get to board to the next beautiful destination in my life.