jazzhandsmom06

Flashback

Preface this to say, I’m not feeling any kind of way tonight. I’m a-ok, b-ok, etc. I’ve just been meaning to get this thought down for awhile now. So, one of the wonders of PTSD is flashbacks. Luckily, I didn’t have to deal with those. Or…so I always thought. Like most people, I always assumedContinue reading “Flashback”

Dear Aaron,

I think you’d be proud of me. I’ve been finding my way back to life lately. Bella and I took that trip to Warped and…it kind of pushed me out of my fear. (I should probably mention that I found myself talking about you a lot that weekend. Like I was trying to bring youContinue reading “Dear Aaron,”

Please Speak

The past couple of days we hear ALLLLLLL the opinions. Or do we? We hear those loudly proclaiming their hurt and anger at decisions made. We hear those crowing with glee at a war they feel they “won”. We hear both “sides” loud and clear. Or do we? I am here to share the opinionContinue reading “Please Speak”

Are You A Bridge or A River?

Ok, first…you guys…I just broke chat gpt. I asked it to create an image of Jesus walking across a raging river. Next to Jesus should be a bridge also crossing the river. It couldn’t even process. It just kept spinning and spinning and spinning. Yep. I broke chat gpt. I’m kind of stupid proud ofContinue reading “Are You A Bridge or A River?”

Hope

Today was a day of hope. It’s been almost 6 months since I felt any real urge to be anywhere but my bed. Last night, for the first time since Aaron passed, I started having this feeling of, “Ok, enough is enough. Aaron would be ashamed of me for giving up on life.” This morning,Continue reading “Hope”

What I Lack In Hearing and Social Skills…I Make Up For In Communication

Let me preface this blog. I wrote a different blog earlier. That blog is now deleted at my daughter’s, rather reasonable, demand. You’ll see why. I, halfway jokingly, often say that I don’t have a passive-aggressive bone in my body. All my bones are aggressive. 😂 But, truly, I believe that communication can save mostContinue reading “What I Lack In Hearing and Social Skills…I Make Up For In Communication”

My Lack of Faith Disturbs Me

OK. Here’s the honest truth about my struggles for the last 8 days. It has…made me question things that I’ve never questioned before, and this is hard to admit. I have ALWAYS had faith in God. I have ALWAYS had faith that every bad thing that he allowed was for a reason. The reason forContinue reading “My Lack of Faith Disturbs Me”

Today’s The Day

This is a big day for me in my grief journey. I haven’t left the house a whole lot, other than work, since Aaron passed almost 6 months ago. Today…not only am I deciding to leave the house when no one is making me…I’m finally getting the chance to fulfill one of Aaron’s wishes. AaronContinue reading “Today’s The Day”

Out of Order: Embracing Solitude for Peace

I deactivated my Facebook profile again. I used to do this in a very unhealthy manner. I told myself that I was doing it to control my anxiety. Which is true…I did. But, I’m realizing that I also hoped that people would notice I was gone and care. (The anxious spiral: No one cares. MustContinue reading “Out of Order: Embracing Solitude for Peace”

The Plan

It’s been a rough week. In the middle of a rough year. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been triggered to the point that I’m spiraling a bit. But, at the same time, I’m filled with hope as I remember my belief that… My voice is a gift that God gave me, toContinue reading “The Plan”