So. Awhile back I wrote a blog that mentioned…*cough*…quite forcibly…how much I hate Jim Carrey. To paraphrase a character I love, ““Dear Jim, I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You’re scum between my toes! Love, Sheri.”
Now. Those are strong words. I admit it. Which made a blog friend question…”WHAT?! NO!! YOU’RE WRONG! YOU CAN’T HATE JIM CARREY!!!” (Also paraphrased…and probably a lot more emphatic than it was meant.)
I am here to say…
Yes, Ron…I do indeed mean it…I stand by it…and here is the WHY.
You see…what had happened was…
11th grade. Picture Sweet Little 16-Year-Old Sheri. (Or something. Whatever.)
Sheri has met a new boy who she really likes. No need to protect the innocent because, let’s be real, no one reads this shit. lol Anyway…This boy’s name was Clint.
Clint finally asked Sheri out on a real date. Dinner and a Jackie Chan movie. (Jackie is also on my 27-year-old Shit List.) Clint crashes the car while leaving the movie. Meh, whatever. Not the worst first date I’ve had in life, in retrospect. But, it did piss my mom off. (Also, in retrospect, have to wonder if it pissed her off it didn’t finish me…I mean…ummmm…ANYWAYS….)
So. Clint and I date for the rest of my Junior year and into the beginning of my senior year. (*throat clear* This is where I admit Clint was better off without me…I broke up with him because he agreed with me too much…”Dude. I can tell you the grass is blue and you agree it’s a beautiful shade of blue…I need someone to disagree with me…I’m wrong sometimes…A LOT, actually…and I need someone to tell me that! Seriously…the rest of this story does nothing to make up for how I broke that poor boy back then…eek…)
All through that time we dated…Clint was OBSESSED with Jim Carrey. We had to see all of his movies. I found them rather obnoxious anyway, but EXTRA obnoxious because my boyfriend and his friends were constantly acting them out like they were about to try out for Jim Carrey In The Park.
And then…it happened…
The day before Junior Prom and 2 days before I went to Disney for a National competition of a school club I was in.
We were driving up to a friend’s house. We were in one of those teenage caravans of three carloads worth of friends. The girl, whose house it was, in the lead in her VW van. Her boyfriend (who later became my ex-husband) and his friend next in his friend’s truck. And then…me and Clint. Now, what happened? Here’s what happened. The girl’s van got very far ahead. No problem. Her boyfriend knew how to get to her house, so we’re still fine.
OR ARE WE, CLINT, YOU GIANT DUMBASS?!?!
No, no we were not.
Clint decided to STICK HIS FUCKING HEAD OUT THE WINDOW LIKE HE’S ACE-FUCKING-VENTURA and pass the truck that had THE PERSON WHO KNEW WHERE WE WERE GOING.
“Dude…Clint…We don’t know how to get there…”
Clint takes a very fast, VERY unannounced left hand turn into a driveway…right as the truck (with the smarter friends who realized they needed to be in the front) tried to pass us on the left.
Truck…slams into us…we go spinning into a ditch.
<insert world spinning…world slamming to a stop…car doors opening…people running…>
Everyone runs to check out our friend’s new truck and the damage.
I did not.
In the collision and spin, my neck was…how you say in English…FUCKED.
I couldn’t get out of the car.
My boyfriend didn’t even notice. No one noticed. Not until my now-ex-husband’s cousin said, “Hey, guys…Sheri didn’t get out…and I hear her crying…”
They came over to check on me and realized my neck was really bad.
But they told me I couldn’t tell anyone. “This is the second accident with Clint. Your parents will be mad. You can’t say anything.”
They gave me a warm washcloth for my neck…strict instructions on not telling…and took me home.
I went to prom and Disney world having to pretend to all of the adults around me that I didn’t have an, honestly, REALLY bad case of whiplash.
And since then…I hate Jim Carrey. Because that kind of stupidity makes stupid ass teenage boys do stupid ass things…and makes stupid ass teenage girls accept it.
So, if you take away my hatred of JC…you take away very valid life lessons I learned from that boyfriend.
Is that what you want, Ron? IS IT?!?!?!! I didn’t think so.
Thank you for riding Jazz Hands Mom’s Wild Ride. Your exits are here, here, here and here.
*hair flip and flounce away*
5 thoughts on “WHY I HATE JIM CARREY. AN ESSAY – BY SHERI”
I initially came here to say that I too had a HS boyfriend who agreed with everything I said in order to keep me happy and it drove me nuts so much that it truly was the main reason I broke up with him. Then I read the rest. I also had a couple dumbass BF’s who stuck their heads out of car windows and did shit like that. But, I honestly can’t think of a petty reason why I hate a specific celebrity due to stupid shit. Not that yours isn’t completely and totally justified, I’m just racking my brain to see if I have anything like that…. I think the closest I can come up with are the songs Hold On Loosely by 38 Special and You Better Wait by Steve Perry. My college BF used those as examples of how to behave in our relationship, and I didn’t see through his narcissistic ass for too long. I can’t listen to those songs anymore because of that. Thankfully one of them doesn’t get any radio play, so it’s easy to ignore.
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Seriously, to this day…YOU KNOW…I can’t deal with people who agree with me all the damn time. 😆
I’m literally laughing out loud reading this. This is great. This is the content I come here for.
Clint sounds like quite the loser. “LOOO-HOOO ZERRR-HERRR,” as Jim might say.
I guess it’s good that you learned lessons (I assume) about not being with boys who act stupid. And maybe it’s a bit of collateral damage that learning this lesson associated Jim Carrey with stupidity in your mind. I can see that. I can also see being annoyed by someone who always agrees with you when you’re wrong. However, we’ve already established the loser status of Mr. Clint.
Also important is not riding with bad drivers. Now, I can’t say from experience that it’s hard to maneuver a vehicle while riding with your head out the window Ace Ventura style, but I can imagine how it would be.
All of his stupidness aside, though, I think Jim is a fine actor. Maybe it’s like brocolli. Well, not brocolli because brocolli is gross. Maybe it’s like some other vegetable you didn’t like when you were younger, but when you got older and had better, more refined tasted buds, you realized you did like it after all. It was good all along, but you just had to figure that out. That’s my theory, and I’m sticking to it.
I can assure you that every guy who was around for those mid-to-late 90’s Jim Carrey movies grew up imitating them in some way. Any guy around our age who tells you otherwise is lying. And any guy who tells you he also doesn’t like those movies is just agreeing with you when you’re saying that the grass is blue.
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That last part, Touche!!! Well played!!! 😆😆😆
Loved that the sarcasm jumped off the page in so many places on this page, bless you. You really DO NOT LIKE JC. It’s interesting the effect Jim Carrey had on SO MANY BOYS because the guys in my Youth group LOVED imitating him. It drove us all nuts. So weird that it seems like it was a global phenomenon. I’m so sorry you got hurt in the car crash and SORRIER that you were told to be quiet about it. That’s awful! You were suffering and someone should have taken you to see a Doctor.
Sending you lots of love xx
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