I will never forget the day that I finally snapped at Bella for constantly telling me, “One sec!!!!” as I tried to get her moving towards my plans for the day. She was only about 8…she was being a normal 8 year old…but I needed to get us where we were supposed to be…and she kept yelling, “One sec!!!!” for about 10 minutes every time I tried to get her attention. Aaaaaannnnddddd….I snapped…
“NO MORE SECS!!!!!!”
Both of our eyes got really big…and then we both lost it…but we finally headed towards our correct destination.
I realized this morning…
October 2020 to present has basically been the year where God snapped…
“NO MORE SECS!!!”
If I’m honest, God has been trying to get me out the door to His planned destination for years.
“Ok, Sheri, it’s time to set boundaries…” “One sec!!! I need to see this cute boy!”
“Sheri…focus…it’s time to start treating yourself the way you treat others…” “One sec! I swear! I just need to finish doing this for someone!”
“Sheri, it’s time to start listening to the body I gave you when it says it needs rest…” “Ok!! I hear you!! Geez!! One sec!!! I just REALLY want to hit this speed PR!!”
“Sheri, I’m trying to get you out the door to dealing with your anxiety so you can love yourself…” “I know, God, and I trust your path. Just one more sec…I’m too sad to leave right now…:
“ME DANGIT, SHERI, NO MORE SECS!!!”
*trusted person sexually harasses me and removes sense of safety*
*broken leg stops ability to emotionally ‘run’ away*
*physically broken heart forces time of reflection on what’s important*
*lost friends…tears cried…rock bottom reached*
“Ok…geez, God…no more secs…I’m listening…dang…”
“Thank you. Now let’s go.”
All of these things…yeah…He let them happen…because I WOULD. NOT. LISTEN. while I could still be distracted…while I could still yell…
“ONE MORE SEC, GOD!”
Nope. No more secs. Time to go.
Time to go learn that when someone steals your safety, you set boundaries…you stand firm in what how God believes you deserve to be respected.
Time to learn that when you run from the lessons God needs you to learn, you only elongate your own pain.
Time to learn that life is short and even faith and stubborn tenacity can’t keep a body whole when it needs you to listen.
Time to learn that you need to show yourself the love that you show others and wish for in return…time to learn that people treat us as they see us treat ourselves.
Time to learn that forgiveness and strength go hand in hand.
No more secs. It was time to go.
And I learned. The hard way. Because it was the only way I’d stop…focus…and listen.
And, now…this morning…I sit here…listening to the sounds of my beloved nature…watching my dogs play…in a place that only forgiveness, strength and boundaries could have brought me to…ruminating on recent events and changes…reveling in a sense of peace as no anxieties sit heavy in my chest…and, I think,
“Ok, God. You were right. No more secs.”