Grace

Blog Preface: Some may consider grace religious. Some may consider it humanity. I consider it both. We have a lot more in common with each other than we sometimes want to believe. (Also, this message weighed on me so heavily I’m writing it in a gas station parking lot. Lol)

For what feels like my entire life I have joked that my epitaph should say “She Tried.” Partially a joke, because that’s what I do. Mostly, I mean it.

No matter what bad things anyone could say about me (I’m not perfect) even those who like me least have had to admit…I try.

Every single day I wake up and make a conscious decision to try to be better than I was yesterday.

Do I believe that I will one day be perfect? Good Lord. NO! lol

It’s my imperfections that make me continue to try. It’s my mistakes that make me want to do better.

We all make them. Every single one of us makes mistakes. A wise woman once told me, “I want to see you making mistakes. If you’re not making mistakes you’re not trying anything new and you’re learning nothing.” So I am perfectly OK with saying…I make mistakes.

Sometimes those mistakes hurt people I love. Sometimes those mistakes hurt me. Sometimes those mistakes hurt my God.

And I pray for grace. I pray for God’s grace in knowing my heart and knowing that I’m trying to do better. I pray for my own grace so that I can forgive myself enough to continue to grow. I pray for the grace of my loved ones to forgive me and give me a chance to make it right.

Because, really…what’s the point of trying without grace? If we…or our loved ones…or our God…can’t give us the grace to forgive and BELIEVE that we will do better…if there is no hope of ever being better than our lowest moments…what is the point of trying?

So…we hope for grace…and, yet…how often do we forget to show it?

How often do we write people off and give them no chance to BE BETTER? Please do not get me wrong. There are people you cannot forgive because they do not want your forgiveness. They don’t want to do better. They want to stay in their muck and you should just love them anyway. That is toxic and you owe them nothing. However…what about the ones who actually try?

What about the alcoholic who has been through years of AA and not touched a drop?

What about the former criminal who paid his debt to society and became an upstanding and kind person?

What about the person who hurt us because they were hurting themselves, but have since sought help and struggled to heal and be better?

What about any of our mistakes that we have made…our lowest points where we hurt everyone around us…and then we found our way back and kept doing right?

Do they/we not deserve grace? Was the struggle for naught because we can be no better than our lowest?

I can’t believe that’s true, because I don’t want it to be true about me. I can’t believe that’s true because I’ve lost so many people in life because they WON’T try to be better…I don’t want to lose people who are trying.

You see…those mistakes I made…those people I hurt…it’s not just their grace I want. I want their grace because their love matters to me.

I want to have grace for myself so I can be deserving of self love.

I want the grace of my loved ones so I never stop trying to be worthy of their love.

And, yes, I pray for the grace of God because I want to truly deserve his undying love.

The point of trying IS grace. The point of grace is love.

And I want to give as much as I want to receive.