I…am a penguin.
Seriously. I learned something in a science class a few years ago. Penguins LOOK very social. You always see pictures of tons of penguins hanging out all in one place. However, if you go to an aerial view…They don’t touch.. They’re all keeping their personal space.
I literally sat in that class and said, “Holy shit…I’m a penguin”.
I have moments when I LOOK really social…it may look like I’m surrounded by other penguins…but I have to keep that space.
Anyway, the point of this. Yesterday I tried to be a little more social. I reactivated Facebook…to resume my Penguin self and at least look social.
But, apparently, I am the anxious penguin.
I couldn’t do it.
I sat amongst the other penguins…I watched…
I saw happy penguins with their penguin families.
I saw angry penguins fighting their injustices.
I saw penguins who think I’m not penguin enough…penguins who think I’m the wrong kind of penguin…penguins who would rather stand near other penguins than me.
I took in all of the other penguins…and still felt like I don’t fit in…even amongst the other penguins that appear to be just like me.
Was it real? Probably not. Most of the penguins probably didn’t even see me. As they lived their penguin lives, pretending to be social while keeping their social media personal space, they probably didn’t see the added little penguin chilling down the iceberg…watching…
But it felt real. It felt overwhelming. It felt like I, the anxious penguin, can’t fit. Ever.
So I took my penguin ass home and deactivated the social media again.
But I tried. And it’s not the last time I’ll try. I will try again. To fit amongst the rest of my penguin world.
And not be the anxious penguin.