Once upon a time, in a very close place, a raging hermit left her beloved gym solitude and joined a group of women who wanted to work out…together… *shudder*. (Spoiler alert. I’m the raging hermit.)
At that first workout, as is this groups tradition, I was given a new name. I was asked to tell them about myself…and to remember that whatever name I agreed to would be what they called me…forever…and everywhere they saw me. I told them of my love of comics…superheroes…especially Marvel … They asked what Marvel character I most closely related to.
Dude. The nerd rant I went into…epic.
Domino. Definitely Domino. Her super power is luck. But for every lucky thing that happens, it also hurts her. She has no family and made her own out of friends. She knows what it is to feel alone…and out of place…and different…even amongst those that she appears similar to. She dates assholes. Lol (I didn’t say that, but it’s true. Lol) And she never gives up.
So…they named me Domino.
And boy were they not kidding about that becoming my name.
That workout group became a lot more to me. It became my community…my village…I met my best friends there. All calling me Domino.
And, as Domino, I built a name for myself. The girl who was down for any adventure. The girl who would try anything. The girl who would do anything she put her mind to.
I was proud to be Domino. Proud to be known as Domino. Proud to be called Domino.
But Domino wasn’t the whole Sheri. And, as SHERI started to struggle with health issues and lost some of her ability to be the Domino everyone knew…
I started to feel unknown and misunderstood. It fed into the anxiety because the person that they knew…wasn’t the person they were getting anymore…and it was scary and uncomfortable for all involved.
I started to feel like I didn’t belong if I couldn’t be Domino.
I started wanting to stay home and out of that world.
I started to seriously consider leaving that world for good.
But…me being me and knowing myself as I do…I built in a safeguard. You see…I will disappear for ME, but not if I’ve made a commitment to someone else.
I always honor my commitments.
So, with one of my best friends, I made a commitment to run a new location for our workout group. Starting it from scratch.
And I have spent the last few weeks dreading it…wishing I hadn’t made that commitment…but knowing that I would do it because I promised.
Today was the first day of that new location. We named it The River (because it’s at a park on a river…we are very creative… 😆 ).
Today I put on my best Domino face and showed up…because I committed…kind of expecting no one else to really show…because my head has been telling me everyone hates Sheri and she doesn’t belong if she’s not Domino…and then…17 other ladies showed…17 other ladies came out and supported me. Not Domino…Sheri. They all complained about how hard it was while laughing and hugging me. We had fun.
I wasn’t fully Domino. I wasn’t there fastest. I wasn’t the strongest. I had to catch myself from passing out a couple of times and my heart went to dangerous levels once or twice. But I did it. The social and the physical. And I did it as…maybe a new Domino…one that’s a little more Sheri…one that’s less likely to go ninja on a bad guy like her namesake…but may actually fall over like the other Dominos. Lol
And, surprisingly, I’m glad I knew myself well enough to make that commitment as a safeguard against myself.
*Jazz Hands* Mom 