There is very little that’s a positive about an anxiety spiral. BUT if there is one bonus, it would be this.
Every time I get to the point of anxiety where I can NOT handle ANY more…the stupid shit that I’ve been anxious about suddenly becomes more clear. In a, “Wait…why the fuck am I stressing about THAT?!?!” kind of way.
Pretty sure I got over the worst of my exes during an anxiety spiral. It was about a year after we broke up and man….I was still constantly anxious about what he was saying or doing or whatever else. Then came an anxiety spiral, and…BAM! Ain’t nobody got time for that!
This time…my anxiety spiral is pushing me to stay in my own lane. What does that mean? Let me ‘splain.
There are people who, lately, make me feel very anxious. Not for anything they’re doing wrong, but usually because I’ve got it in my head that they’re mad at me or don’t like me. And when I get anxious about something…BOY HOWDY CAN I OBSESS!
Why didn’t they like my social media post when they liked someone else’s?
Why didn’t they text me back?
Did I do something?
Are they mad?
Am I terrible?
Do they hate me?
Y’all. It’s pathetic.
But…then came this walloping anxiety spiral and…honestly…I don’t have the capacity to be in someone else’s lane.
Are they mad at me? Maybe.
Do they hate me? Who the hell knows.
Can I pinpoint any specific hurtful thing I could have done to make them mad at me or make them hate me? Not that I can think of.
So, is it really my problem? Or am I borrowing trouble and paying a little too much attention to what’s happening in their lane?
Yeah. That part.
So…I deactivated most of my social media about a week ago. (This is longest I’ve lasted without Facebook in probably a decade…pathetic, but true…lol). The social media that I can’t deactivate for whatever reason, like a 40 year old virgin…I do me.
What are people doing? Don’t know.
Who are people hanging out with? Don’t care.
Who liked someone’s picture? I did. Didn’t look to see who else did.
Oh, look. Someone that makes me anxious posted something…and….driving away. Not my lane.
Who did or didn’t like what I posted? OK, actually, I’m human and not perfect…that one I still notice. But I’m not obsessing.
So, yes, where I’ve been at recently sucks ass. But this part…definitely my silver lining so far. Maybe I can stick to this freeing way of dealing.
I like my lane. It’s pretty.
*Jazz Hands* Mom 