A few notes on this blog before I begin.
1. Don’t Google sugared shit. You’re welcome.
2. Remember I told you about 11th grade lit teacher, Mrs. Tatum? Thanks to that class, the word epiphany is my second favorite word. (First place will always go to voluptuous.) Mrs. Tatum walked into class one day and said, “I had an epiphany last night!!” At which point, smart-ass David Scott said, “Oh no! Did it hurt???”. And now every time I use or hear the word epiphany I giggle.
ANYWAY…I had an epiphany this morning!
My Friends and I joke that I’m silver linings girl. Given enough time I can find something positive in just about any situation.
But, to me, silver linings are a positive about the particular situation that isn’t positive on it’s own. For example, I was kidnapped. Fucking sucks. No denying it. But the silver lining is that, by being kidnapped, I’ve been able to help other kids (and adults) through their own trauma. I love being that person. So, there’s a direct correlation. Good from bad. Silver lining.
And then…there’s sugared shit.
Here’s my example of sugared shit:
3 days after my divorce was finalized (well over a decade ago) my brother got married at a destination wedding in Mexico. I went. I honestly had a great time and ignored my own grief and celebrated my brother’s happiness. All the way through the days leading up to the wedding and the wedding itself. The next morning my family planned on going on a four wheeler excursion. I decided not to go. I needed some alone time to just feel. My dad got mad. To him that was wallowing and ruining everyone else’s good time. (Seriously, if you’ve ever been around me when I’m sad…TRUST ME…me being around you is what will ruin the good time.) His exact words were, “Oh just go buy some new eye shadow and be happy.” <~~~~~I present to you, “Sugared Shit”.
Sugared shit is faking happiness.
Sugared shit is saying, “I’m going to bury this thing that’s hurting me and not address it. I’ll be happy about other things instead.”
Sugared shit is not giving yourself time to actually process your feelings and FIND the positive that’s going to make it ACTUALLY ok.
Sugared shit leads to eventual emotional diarrhea….You push down all of these emotions…you pretend they aren’t there because, “Hey, I have other things to be happy about, right??”…and those emotions fester…and gurgle…and explode…and no one even knows why you exploded because, “Damn…she was so happy yesterday…I can’t think of anything that happened since then that set her off…” <~~~~~Because it happened 5 years ago but she tried to pour sugar on the shit instead of finding a positive that turned it into not shit.
In case you can’t tell, I can’t do sugared shit. I don’t even WANT to do sugared shit.
I want to process. I want to feel. I want to twist and turn the scenario around…until I can see that silver lining that’s peeking through. That way, when I see it again in five years, I get to see my own smile reflected back at me in the beautiful polished silver sheen of true acceptance.