Crap

This probably has a lot to do with the fact that I’ve been feeling a little…off…today, anyway, but I’ve been kinda freaked out since this afternoon.

I went back to school 3 years ago. I decided I needed to find myself again…and a good way to do that would be to go back to “Academic Sheri”. Academic Sheri knows she’s smart…knows she has something to offer…knows she can succeed. Non-Academic Sheri was…well…a hot mess. Not just a hot mess…but…

So…yeah…Heated Mess Me went back to school. And that is what I have spent the majority of my last 3 years doing. And you know what? It worked. Those 3 years gave me time to heal…gave me my confidence back…reminded me that I have worth…

And now, today, I submitted my petition to graduate. In 9 months I will be done. No more homework. No more classes. No more mocking man buns on campuses. Academic Sheri will go back into her box.

And all I can think is…

Crap. Now what?

Is Non-Academic Sheri still a heated mess? I. Don’t. Know. I know she hasn’t gotten any better at peopling. I know she still does every damn thing to the extreme. I know that she’s still going to be the girl who’s been told is “too nice”, has “too many feelings”, can be hurt a little too easily.

But is she stronger now? Will she thrive? Or will Non-Academic Sheri still be Bad Life Choices Sheri?

And even if she isn’t still Bad Life Choices Sheri…WHAT THE HELL IS SHE GOING TO DO WITH ALL OF THAT TIME?!?!

Seriously…will I suddenly learn how to relax? Probably not. Will I learn a new language? Write a book? Climb Mt. Everest? What will I do in those moments when sitting still sounds absolutely awful.

Soooo…I’m freaking. I have 9 months to figure it all out…but at this moment…I repeat…

Crap. Now what?