I’ve been thinking about broken hearts.
First things first, let’s be real…we’ve all had our hearts broken and we’ve all probably broken someone’s heart. It’s just part of life.
And man does it hurt when it happens.
BUT, as I’m pondering this today, I have a new view on broken hearts and their pain. What if…hear me out…
The part that broke NEEDED to break?
I think back on my broken hearts. I’ve had a few. I’ve had my heart broken so badly I thought it would destroy me. And you know what?
It DID destroy me. It destroyed a part of me that needed to be destroyed.
When I look back on my broken hearts…it still hurts…but…it’s not the guy that makes my heart twinge and ache. It’s looking at who I was in that relationship and what I allowed.
In my marriage I was easily manipulated into feeling guilty and being quiet for being upset about valid issues. That relationship very much broke my heart…and it broke the part of me who was too afraid to speak up and would rather be hurt myself than risk someone being upset with me. Seriously? Thank God that part of me broke.
In another relationship I was SHATTERED after years of emotional abuse and then finding out I’d been cheated on the whole time. I had known the entire time that something was wrong…but I was consistently told I was crazy…and, when I wasn’t? Heart broken. I thought beyond repair. It also broke the part of me that was willing to ignore my own instincts and allow someone to emotionally abuse me. Again…that trait being broken? Bye, Felicia.
Another man I loved…he was different than those guys. He would never purposely hurt me. But he also didn’t know what he wanted, vacillated on his feelings for me, and…in all honesty…because of where he was in his own life…could not give me the relationship I deserved. But I settled for the scraps he gave me, because I loved him. And I spent every day feeling torn apart because I wasn’t being true to myself and what I needed. The ending of that one broke my heart, too…but it also broke my willingness to put aside my own needs and wants.
When I look back on these relationships…it hurts. But it doesn’t hurt because I’m dying to have them back. It doesn’t hurt because I still pine for them.
It hurts because it reminds me of those parts of me before they were broken. It reminds me of how much damage I did to myself while those parts were still intact.
So…that’s my new theory. A heartbreak is something to be grateful for. Not in the way that that means you should be with those people again! Lol But…
Those broken moments are what built me.
So…to my past relationships…thank you for breaking my heart.