This one is for me.
I lie here remembering my faith and my trust. I remind myself again that God has never let me completely fall. And I pray that I can stay strong in the face of no answers.
I saw the cardiologist. He said something is definitely not right. He isn’t worried about blockages because of my age and fitness level, but…as I was afraid…his first concern was, “You do know Lyme can damage the heart, right?” Yup…I know. He says there’s a very good chance it’s NOT that, though, and he promises that we will find the answers. I liked him more than most doctors. He listens and you can tell he cares. I believe him.
But I also left there with a heart monitor strapped to me for the next 7 days so they can track what my heart does. So, that’s kind of scary. (And borderline hilarious because I finally agreed to go on a date with someone this weekend…and I’m NOT going on a date with a heart monitor, so…I hear you, God. Loud and clear. Lol)
But…scarier than the heart monitor is my family. My father is scared. We both make jokes, because that’s what we do, but he’s scared. To the point that when I asked him to make sure Bella is taken care of, he didn’t call me dramatic. He just promised she’ll be ok. I called my brother…reminded him that he’s in charge of doling life insurance out to Bella…he didn’t yell at me for being stupid…he just said ok.
Odds are I’m going to be FINE and this is nothing more than a blip…but there is something truly terrifying about those two men not telling me I’m being a drama queen. Lol
Anyway, God has this covered. His plan is what it is, and He has put the right doctors where they need to be.
Let go and Let God, right?
But I think he’ll understand if I still cry a little and desperately wish for a real hug.