I had a dream the other night that you were still alive. You told me you’d woken up right after I left the hospital, and it turned out they were wrong and you were all better.
And then I woke up. And reality hit.
Today I put away laundry…I went to hang your towel…and it hit me I don’t need two towels hanging anymore.
It’s these little things. Things I used to take for granted. Waking up. Doing chores. Driving passed a restaurant. Little things that happen every day, that make grief steal my breath away.
I miss you.
*Jazz Hands* Mom 
There’s no right or wrong way to heal from a loss like this. I think everyone handles things their own way, so I know that this comment may or may not be relevant for you.
My grandpa went home summer 2023. He was a constant in my life for 46 years, and his leaving created a huge void. Thanksgiving and Christmas were always times centered around him. We had big Thanksgiving dinners at his house with all the family. We did the same at Christmas, and he would always read the Christmas story from the Bible before we exchanged gifts.
We’ve done a couple of things to honor his memory and keep him as part of our holidays. In preparing our Thanksgiving dinners, I have been including a dish with pecans (he had about a dozen pecan trees in his yard) as a subtle tribute to him and how thankful I am to have had him in my life. The flavor of those nuts take me back to fond memories with him when I was a child. At Christmas, we’ve started playing the video of him reading from Matthew before we exchange gifts with the family.
These small changes to our holiday planning have done a lot for me as I’ve tried to deal with the loss. Maybe something similar can help for you? I hope so. ❤️
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Sending you a gentle hand squeeze. Dealing with loss is so painful.
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