Many many moons ago I spent Christmas in Mobile, Alabama with a friend. While we were there we went to a club. For the life of me I don’t remember the name of it. What I DO remember is that we WANTED to go into a club called The World…but it was closed. So, we went on to the next club. Fast forward to later that night…we were leaving the club and we see that The World is now open and there’s a line outside. I started joking about how our hippie friend Charlie…aka Trippy McTripFace…would have said something like, “So I wanted to go to the world, man…but the world was closed…and then the world said, “Come in”…and I said, “No, World…I do not want to come in anymore…”. (If you didn’t read that in the ultimate stoner voice, go back.)
I am reminded of that club lately. I so desperately wanted to join the world in the past few years. I wanted to stop being a hermit…I wanted to let people in…I wanted to belong. I tried to go into the world, but…the world is closed to me. I’m not wanted there. There’s a huge line outside…of all the cool people will get to be a part of the world…but I get to the bouncer and he knows I don’t belong and turns me away. I can hear the laughter…I can feel the beat of the music…I can see the inhabitants…but I will never get in.
To say I don’t want to be in the world, would be a lie. We never get over wanting to belong.
So…instead…I try to convince myself that I don’t want a world that doesn’t want me.
And maybe one day I’ll believe it.