Hi. My name is Sheri. And I’m a recovering Helper.
Helping is good, right? We learned that in kindergarten. We should always offer to help those who need us.
But helping is like sex…if it’s not consensual on both sides, it doesn’t really make the recipient feel warm and fuzzy. It makes them feel mauled and violated.
Mauled and violated by…THE HELPER.
I know I’m not the only one. How many times have you done it?
You see a friend who…if they would just LISTEN…would make better choices. You can HELP them!!
You have a friend going through a hard time…LET ME DO SOMETHING TO HELP!!!!!!
You have a friend who needs you to hear them vent, but…wait for it…wait for it…you can’t do that because you’re gonna HELP!!!!!!!
YOU ARE ALMIGHTY AND BRILLIANT AND KNOW WHAT EVERYONE ELSE NEEDS!!!!!!!
Is that really what you believe? Of course not.
Is that really what I believe? Nope.
But that’s how we come across.
Offered help is a beautiful thing…and I think more people could have used not missing that day of kindergarten…
But…when your (*cough* my) offer of help is declined…and then we force them to accept our help anyway…we are nonverbally saying, “I know what you need more than you do.”
I caught myself doing that again today. Luckily it was with one of my best friends, but I caught myself thinking…well, I don’t know if she wants this help, but she’s gonna get it!
Yeah…that’s not help…
And I’m trying to do better.
So? Can I help you make Shake & Bake? Please? Because it would make me feel as good as you feel just knowing that I want to.
And that’s how I’m going to ask from now on.