About half of the people in my world call me Domino. It’s a nickname that was given to me a couple of years ago by some ladies I was working out with…because one of the first things the group does is give you a nickname based on who you are.
About three quarters of the people that call me Domino have absolutely no idea why they call me that.
Is it because I love pizza? No. (I mean…I do, but no…)
Is it because I fall down a lot? No. (Stop laughing. Yes, we all know that I DO, in fact, fall down a lot. But that’s not the why.)
Ok. So…why Domino?
I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately, to be honest. Actually I keep going through this thing where I HATE my name and internally flinch when I hear it.
Right now…I’m not the woman they named Domino.
Or am I?
You see…Domino…the one that I am named for…is a Marvel antihero. (Please don’t think of the one in Deadpool 2…that is not who Domino is supposed to be.)
Domino is pretty badass. Which…is why I flinch at that name now. Because I am NOT badass. I don’t feel like I’m Domino anymore.
But, this morning I was thinking about it and….
I’m EXACTLY all the reasons that I was originally named Domino…and maybe even a little something more…
You see…that first day…those ladies asked me to talk about myself. Of course, one of the first things I told them is that I love all things superhero. Especially Marvel. So they asked who my favorite character was and why.
That was easy.
And the why… (I’ll be honest, for the sake of ease, I’m copying most of this next part from an article I already wrote about her a few years ago. lol)
Domino’s power is luck. Yes, luck would be the coolest superpower ever…but even the best luck comes with pain. How many times have we gone through life thinking, “I know I’m going to make it through this…but I also know it’s going to hurt.”? I know I have on many different occasions. So, even Domino’s specific power…I get it. Luck will be on her side and she will survive anything that gets thrown at her (sometimes literally thrown at her), but that surviving is likely going to hurt.
Through that luck and through that survival, she has created her own family. Yup. Been there, too.
She’s closed off parts of herself that she only allows her most trusted confidantes to see. Got it.
She uses humor to make it through the pain, because life hurts less when you can laugh. Uh-huh.
And, finally, she’s a mutant. And, as she stated rather eloquently in a mutant support group that she ran…even in that room full of mutants…who were all even different from each other…
“Because outside of this room – For whatever reason – We all feel alone. Each one of us feels like some kind of freak. Rejects. At least in here we can be alone together.”
Which actually leads me to the epiphany that I had this morning.
Why do I MOST still feel like Domino (besides the statements above which….I think most of you who know me well already know pretty much nail me…)?
Domino doesn’t look THAT different. Her physical mutation (the pale white skin and dark spot around her eye) could be seen as makeup. People around her may think she’s just like them, but a little weird. But…once they get to know her…they find out that that is really who she is…a mutant. Not in a bad way. She’s a rather heroic mutant. But, at her core, she is a mutant who feels alone. Who, at times, feels like the rest of the world is better off without her because they get hurt when she’s around.
I am more Domino today than I ever have been before.