Tomorrow I’ll Be…Different

How much time do we spend thinking about yesterday? What broke us…what made us happy…what made us who we are. The good…the bad…the ugly. The memories that make us laugh and the memories that make us cry. The days we wish had never ended and the days we wish had never happened.

How much time do we spend thinking about today? What stress feels like it’s going to break us…what circumstance we think we’ll never get past…what person is hurting us…what person we’re hurting. We think too much about the joke we made in the wrong moment. We think too little about the casual flippant words we said that hurt someone. We microfocus so much on the minute grievances and situations…and we forget to savor the the beauty in our world exactly as it is in this moment.

How much time do we spend thinking about tomorrow? Who we’ll be tomorrow…what we’ll have tomorrow…what we’ll lose tomorrow. Borrowing troubles that may never happen…hoping and praying for things that we think we’re going to need. Worrying about who will still be there…who won’t still be there…or planning giant dreams of how wonderful the future will be.

I do it a lot. And I’ve been thinking a lot about it today. Those who knew me yesterday, do they still know me today? Those who know me today, will they still know me tomorrow?

Not in a physical sense, but in WHO I AM IN THAT MOMENT.

Because I can’t tell you what will come tomorrow. I can tell you that I’m not the person I was in my yesterdays. Every day I’ve grown…I’ve diminished…I’ve grown again. A motto of mine has always been “two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward”. I don’t mind when I fall backwards a little, so long as I trend in the right direction.

I can’t fully explain who I am today. I’m a hodgepodge of my experiences and even of the events of the day. I’m up and down…my heart is full and then it hurts. I’m no different than you in that front. We are mercurial creatures and that’s okay.

I can’t tell you who I’ll be tomorrow. Will I be be better? Maybe. Will I be worse? Probably at moments. Will I be happy? Without a doubt. Will I also be sad, or angry or stressed, or a million other emotions? Yup.

I am a sum of my yesterdays. I am a survivor and enjoyer, in equal measure, of my todays. I am a dreamer of tomorrow. The only thing I can tell you for sure…

Tomorrow I’ll be…Different.