Resilient

I think a lot about the word “resilient”. (I know. I know. Hide your shocked face. Sheri was thinking a lot about…a word…)

ANYWAYS…

Resilient.

What does it mean exactly?

Welp, let’s break it into three definitions.

• According to Merriam Webster, the definitions of Resilient are:

Characterized or marked by resilience: such as
a) capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture
b) tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change

Ok. Now, for the ones in the back row. good ol’ MW up there says that it means being able to deal with shock and misfortune…without becoming deformed.

Cool. Ok. Next.

• What people truly mean by Resilient:

“You have faced challenges that would have overwhelmed many people, yet you found a way to keep going. You adapted, survived, and continued building a life despite circumstances that could have stopped you.”

Ok…that’s kind of sweet. Usually heartfelt. Its trying to spin a bad situation into a compliment to the person who survived it.

I’ll allow it. Next.

• What many people who are called RESILIENT define it as:

“…’dafuq? Did you just compliment me on only having internal injuries after being hit by a bus? Like… ‘Congrats on the trauma, boo! You rocked this!'”

Please don’t take this to mean we don’t appreciate the compliment.

We do.

We know you mean well.

But that gratitude for the way you describe us  comes with so many other feelings.

“I’d rather be considered weak and never have experienced these things.”

That’s the part people don’t understand.

“I mean…tradesies? 🤷‍♀️”

And, sadly but truly, there’s often a question lurking underneath.

“Do you really believe I’m resilient and strong, or are you just uncomfortable?”

We hate that our stories do make people uncomfortable.

We have been judged for what was done to us.

Sometimes…we don’t know if it’s another silent judgment, a plea to stop talking about uncomfortable things, or – as is genuinely the case – a truly well-meaning compliment from someone who can’t see the scars.

Whatever the definition, I guess at least we’re not visibly deformed. 😆